Love isn’t rational. I talked to Shane about this at the beach at 1:30 AM one morning. “Love” is the only unexplainable, almost extraterrestrial force that entirely engulfs our lives. Love literally makes everything happen. Love doesn’t make sense. It’s not tangible, it’s not a sensible thought formed by the brain. It causes pain, it causes happiness. It’s coincidence, it’s fate. It’s everything. It causes us to act dangerously, it causes us to run across town at 3 in the morning, to jump off buildings. But it’s what we live for.
Maybe that’s why I’m not as sad as people presume me to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m broken. But.. Love is so irrational and irresponsible that I don’t mind waiting. It’s stupid to wait. It’s stupid to hope for something that might not happen. It’s stupid to hope for forgiveness. love is stupid, too. But it’s my life. It’s your life. Our lives revolve around love and as much as I don’t want to, I’m waiting. I’m waiting for you to understand what I understand. You and I don’t always agree, we don’t always do what’s right. But we share true love. Thinking of you, my soul swells up with pure and wholesome love. No one touches me like you. And I know no one touches you like me. You consume me. That’s love. We have it. Isn’t that nuts? We have it. Whether were mad at each other, naked in each other’s arms, sitting outside the library with tears in our eyes, or we see each other in passing down Roswell, we have love. I’d die for you. Together or apart, I’d die for you. I’m dying for you in this very moment.
I’ve learned a great deal over the past month. I’ve learned a lot about myself, about you, about the world. It’s gonna take a lot to put us back together. Life will be hard next year, without you. I’m gonna miss seeing your Subaru on my block. I’m gonna miss getting coffee with you on week nights. I’m gonna miss your smile, your eyes, your hands in mine. You’re so lovely. I miss you.
Realize what we have. I can’t say it enough.
Don’t let me go. Don’t let us go.